In the magical weeks before Christmas, I seem to have the mood swings of a fourteen year-old girl, and I wonder if it is my own weird cross to bear or if it is common. Christmas is so freaking beautiful; white lights twinkling on trees that line the sidewalks, colored lights on the houses up and down my street, Christmas music in the stores, wreaths on the doors and anticipation in the air that is palpable. It is as exciting and wonderful as the songs say, and I still get a warm fuzzy, excited feeling in my chest like a kid.
But there’s a part of me that might, in the midst of all this happiness, think to myself: But the trees have no leaves! They’re just bare, and they look a little mournful! Or: Some of those houses on my street with lights on the roof have people in them who are SAD or have CANCER or are getting DIVORCED and it makes my heart ache to think of it! And sometimes the Christmas music in the stores is not the Bing Crosby and Andy Williams that I grew up with, but Ariana Grande or some awful group called 5th Harmony belting about having a sexy Christmas. (These may not be the actual lyrics of their songs but it is definitely the message.) Instead of making me think of holly and sleigh rides, I suddenly think: How will my daughters’ generation ever reconcile the fact that we tell them they are not objects, but the pop music of their time tells them a woman’s role is to be both promiscuous and victimized? To demand both equal treatment and special treatment? To look and act provocative and be angry that it works? Holly and sleigh rides would be a much easier thing to think about.
Sometimes, right in the middle of making gingersnaps, (see recipe for life-changing gingersnaps here), I might hear Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, and I’m overcome with melancholy. Or, worse, I’ll Be Home For Christmas, the saddest Christmas song ever. I have to fight it like a soldier, strapping my apron strings tighter and switching the song to, say, Michael Buble’s version of White Christmas, the catchiest Christmas song ever, and refusing to be overcome. I have to shake my head a little like a boxer between rounds and think like a winner: Okay, Christmas, BRING IT, we’ll see who’s boss.
My mother once said to me, “Oh, kid, you feel too much. It’s gonna be a rough road for you.” (She grew up in 1950s Hollywood, literally, and talked like it sometimes.) I wondered about that, and years later realized I must have gotten my over-sensitivity from her, but she’d toughened up a little. Motherhood’ll do that to you. I can’t help it any more than I can help having allergies; I just feel things too much. As I kid, stray dogs and homeless people and even trash on the street made me overcome with a wave of sadness, like nausea. When ET nearly died beside the creek, and when Luke Skywalker had to hide in the body of that dead yeti-thing called a Tauntaun, my sister had to carry me out of the movie theater and drag me back home, sobbing. (I didn’t really care about Luke but I cared deeply about that poor dead Taunton.) If I saw an old person eating dinner alone in a restaurant, I couldn’t eat my food. My mom once found me watching Bambi on a rented VHS tape and shouted at my sister like someone in an action scene, “Stop the movie! Stop the movie! SHE’S NEVER GONNA MAKE IT!”
I don’t know if other people feel this way. I know Christmas is hard for many people, that depression rates are higher than any other time of year. But I am not depressed, and “sad” isn’t even the right word because I’m also immensely happy; I’m just experiencing great joy and deep awareness of the painful beauty in this world. My teenage daughters call it having “the feels,” which is awkward and apt.
It occurs to me that God intended for us to feel all those pangs of joy and sadness, sometimes even at the same time. I probably do feel too much, and it is a bit of a rough road, but everything about Christmas is both ends of bitter and sweet: the king of the universe, highly anticipated with great joy and some fear, but also in danger from the moment of his birth, outranking every king and emperor in the world but born to peasants and raised to work with his hands, rising to some fame for his holiness but destined to die like a criminal, only to be raised from the dead in the most fabulous, glorious event in the history of the universe. You’d have to be made of stone to not feel an emotional roller-coaster just thinking about it.
I knew a poet once; a philosophical, brilliant, long-haired actually-published poet who forgot to tie his shoes and carried around a pocket-sized works of Rilke. His name was Hansi, which he said was Sri Lankan, though he was not. He was whip-smart and odd, and he intimidated me because he spoke in riddles and threw around grad-school words before the rest of us had learned them: tautological and Proustian, hermeneutic and hegemonic, Derridian, dystopian, and dichotomy. One evening after class when it began to snow, another student remarked that the snow was really pretty, except that it just turned to gray slush in the streets. Hansi waved to us, walking in the direction of some other parking lot or place, and said over his shoulder, “Love the dichotomy, man! Love the dichotomy!”
The weird poet was right, all you can do is embrace it. Get the feels and love the ups and the downs for their particular beauty. It’s probably exactly what God intended when the King of the World was born in a stable and laid in a manger.
what cbd store in knoxville, tn is advertising 500mg bottle of oil for $19.95 new customers
Hi everybody , we are looking for reviewers who would be interested in reviewing our CBD product line including CBD TRANSDERMAL PATCHES. If you would like to come onboard please contact me on martelwellness.com
does the hemp bill allow you to grown cbd
how much is a eye dropper of cbd oil
where to buy cbd oil in roanoke va
Hi everyone , can anyone suggest where I can buy Strain Genie?
Elliot
can i sell vape juice on square app
movie download
I was studying some of your blog posts on this website and I conceive this website is real informative! Retain posting. Dahlia Bone Flemings
watch free
Hay filtros HEPA h14 para estos purificadores de xiaomi? Avrit Ferguson Elfreda
yabanci
I was extremely pleased to discover this site. I want to to thank you for ones time for this fantastic read!! I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff in your site.| Rosanna Loren Soneson
watch
I am staying connected through Facebook and email! Nara Maynord Thetes
diziler
Thanks to my father who shared with me about this web site, this website is actually awesome. Babbette Nicolas Wyon Nady Ker Crin
mp3
I was examining some of your posts on this website and I conceive this site is real instructive! Keep on posting. Aurie Asa Ferneau
mp3
Did you all get hit with a late fee and interest charge when Capital One took over the Walmart credit card and they did not even have an account set up for you? I did. But this is the only way to get some discount. Camille Rorke Russian
dizi
Got mad luv for ya Tron but Randy has to win something one of these seasons! Lets go Randy!!!!! Laural Jule Kassandra
dizi
Thanks again for the post. Really thank you! Great. Olia Lemmy Holbrooke Laney Grantley Theran
yabanci
Hmm is anyone else having problems with the pictures on this blog loading? Clem Garreth Takara
bluray
Hello. This article was extremely motivating, particularly because I was looking for thoughts on this subject last Saturday. Marjie Elsworth Afton
erotik
here are some hyperlinks to websites that we link to for the reason that we think they may be really worth visiting Anthe Paquito Dora
erotik
I think this is a real great blog article. Really thank you! Want more. Milissent Rubin Dorena
live porn
The next time I review a blog site, I hope that it does not disappoint me as much as this. I imply, I understand it was my selection to check out, however I in fact believed youd have something interesting to state. All I hear is a bunch of yawping regarding something that you might fix if you werent too busy looking for focus. Traci Nilson Missie
turkce
Very good point which I had quickly initiate efficient initiatives without wireless web services. Interactively underwhelm turnkey initiatives before high-payoff relationships. Holisticly restore superior interfaces before flexible technology. Completely scale extensible relationships through empowered web-readiness. Joelle Allin Kleper
turkce
Hi there mates, good article and pleasant urging commented here, I am actually enjoying by these. Adella Kippar Erna
turkce
Incredible! This blog looks exactly like my old one! Melisenda Gard Odom
turkce
The turnkey franchise provider offers anything else, including. Katya Vinny Mellisa
turkce
Somebody essentially help to make seriously articles I might state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and up to now? I amazed with the research you made to create this actual submit incredible. Fantastic task! Lin Lukas Deirdra
turkce
Hello can i ask , f i can avail the reviewer , can you please contact me in case , thank you Matelda Vittorio Hiltner
turkce
Thanks for sharing such a nice opinion, piece of writing is nice, thats why i have read it entirely Junette Rem Grous
turkce
Having read this I believed it was very informative. I appreciate you finding the time and effort to put this informative article together. I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worth it!| Domeniga Freemon Beaulieu
turkce
Hey there. I discovered your blog by way of Google while looking for a comparable topic, your web site got here up. It appears to be great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then. Kamila Web Moises
turkce
Good post. I absolutely appreciate this site. Stick with it! Tiffani Diego Newbold
turkce
After looking over a few of the articles on your site, I honestly like your way of writing a blog. I book-marked it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back in the near future. Please check out my web site too and tell me what you think. Arlinda Scotti Mapes
turkce
Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Marya Kerry Niles
turkce
That is a very good tip particularly to those new to the blogosphere. Loralyn Aharon Liz
turkce
Hey there. I discovered your blog by means of Google at the same time as looking for a related topic, your web site came up. It seems great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then. Shana Carce Gunthar
turkce
Super excited to see more of this kind of stuff online. Karilynn Halsey Lassiter
turkce
After I initially commented I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added I get 4 emails with the same comment. Perhaps there is a means you are able to remove me from that service? Thanks. Dita Wakefield Ellswerth
what store in mall.sells sex toys
Can someone recommend Swimwear? Thanks xx
turkce
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!| Donna Tedmund Ragg
turkce
I got this web page from my pal who informed me about this site and at the moment this time I am visiting this web page and reading very informative articles or reviews at this place.| Carry Stafford Krilov
turkce
Dried cherries or apricots would be great in it. You could even use fresh chopped apple if you’re going to eat it all fairly quickly. Fresh strawberries would work too. Helenka Mickey Kopans
turkce
I like the helpful information you supply for your articles. I will bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently. I am slightly certain I will be informed a lot of new stuff proper here! Good luck for the next!| Kaitlynn Regen Lebna
turkce
I was able to find good advice from your blog articles. Dahlia Sylvester Ripleigh
turkce
A wonderful serenity has taken possession of my entire soul, like these sweet mornings of spring which I enjoy with my whole heart. I am alone, and feel the charm of existence in this spot Luce Trever Kovacev
turkce
Hello there. I discovered your blog by way of Google at the same time as looking for a comparable matter, your website got here up. It seems good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to visit then. Joela Pedro Duky
turkce
I feel this is one of thhe so much significant info for me. Zaria Lindsey Lonergan
turkce
I just wished to take a moment to let you know that I enjoy I found this blog post on your blog. You have exceeded and beyond in your research. I want to find out more articles about this subject on your blog site in the future. Thank you so much for guaranteeing I do not need to look the web for this topic any much longer. Guillema Lindsay Simmonds
turkce
I love your wp format, where did you get a hold of it? Pansy Cecilius Venu
turkce
Such a necessary perspective right now. Thank you. Tandie Lucius Ledeen
turkce
I have recently started a website, the information you offer on this web site has helped me greatly. Thank you for all of your time & work. Melosa Chevalier Milde Zitella Parry Dumah
turkce
I respect the nuance in this essay, however I hope to read additional insight from you in the future. Violet Francois Maziar
turkce
great points altogether, you simply won a brand new reader. What may you suggest about your submit that you simply made a few days in the past? Any positive?| Sande Price Hanley
turkce
Really interesting information, I am sure this pist has touched all iternet users, its really really pleasant piece of writing on building up new website. Odella Dom Marchall
turkce
Curabitur sit amet mauris. Morbi in dui quis est pulvinar ullamcorper. Nulla facilisi. Integer lacinia sollicitudin massa. Cras metus. Timmy Jude Chanda
erotik
Usually I do not read post on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to take a look at and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, very nice article. Kiele Dene Bathulda
turkce
How can I reach you? I am interested in more info. I love sucking dick btw hmu Chere Donovan Carthy
turkce
I savour, cause I discovered just what I was taking a look for. You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye Davida Garrik Gottuard
erotik
I simply could not go away your website before suggesting that I really enjoyed the usual information a person supply on your guests? Is gonna be back regularly to investigate cross-check new posts. Celie Bret Tilford
yerli
Have you ever thought about including a little bit more than just your articles? Taffy Reamonn Joelle
erotik
Thanks for finally talking about > blog_title < Loved it!| Terrye Arlen Edmondo
샌즈카지노
Red tape that you go through is ridiculous, then the credit bureaus only do the freeze for 90 days. You have to renew again. Thank goodness for the notification from the credit card company that this was even going on. Thanks again for this great site. Always learning! Susann Theodor Benjie
샌즈카지노
Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently fast. Lorena Gael Sansone
erotik
I appreciate, cause I found just what I was looking for. You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye Eleni Morie Oby
샌즈카지노
There is perceptibly a bundle to identify about this. I suppose you made certain good points in features also. Nicolea Hersh Clemente
erotik
Looking forward to reading more. Great article. Much thanks again. Much obliged. Annelise Clyve Goldsmith
erotik
Wow! Thank you! I continuously wanted to write on my site something like that. Can I implement a fragment of your post to my website? Nicol Osgood Fang
erotik
I dugg some of you post as I thought they were invaluable handy Winnifred Milton Dutch
https://www.lekekremim.com/
https://www.lekekremim.com/ en iyi leke kremi satin alma sitesi ayrica web sitemizden parfum saç uzatma
ürünleri cilt aydınlatıcı güneş koruyucusu gibi bir çok cilt ürünlerine sahip olabilirsiniz
https://www.havadis07.com/
antalya haber denince akla ilk
gelen site havadis07.com ile antalyanın en güncel haberlerini
okuyarak herşeyden anında bilgin olsun
takipçi satın al
Heya are using WordPress for your site platform?
I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my
own. Do you need any coding knowledge to make your own blog?
Any help would be really appreciated!
shell download
You could certainly see your expertise in the article you write.
The sector hopes for more passionate writers like you who are
not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.
https://www.antalya-bocek-ilaclama.net/
Why viewers still use to read news papers when in this technological globe all is presented on net?
erotik
I am typically to blog writing and also i truly value your content. The write-up has truly peaks my passion. I am going to bookmark your site and keep checking for brand-new info. Jaquelyn Alvis Leone