Christmas Mood Swings

In the magical weeks before Christmas, I seem to have the mood swings of a fourteen year-old girl, and I wonder if it is my own weird cross to bear or if it is common. Christmas is so freaking beautiful; white lights twinkling on trees that line the sidewalks, colored lights on the houses up and down my street, Christmas music in the stores, wreaths on the doors and anticipation in the air that is palpable. It is as exciting and wonderful as the songs say, and I still get a warm fuzzy, excited feeling in my chest like a kid.

But there’s a part of me that might, in the midst of all this happiness, think to myself: But the trees have no leaves! They’re just bare, and they look a little mournful! Or: Some of those houses on my street with lights on the roof have people in them who are SAD or have CANCER or are getting DIVORCED and it makes my heart ache to think of it! And sometimes the Christmas music in the stores is not the Bing Crosby and Andy Williams that I grew up with, but Ariana Grande or some awful group called 5th Harmony belting about having a sexy Christmas. (These may not be the actual lyrics of their songs but it is definitely the message.)  Instead of making me think of holly and sleigh rides, I suddenly think: How will my daughters’ generation ever reconcile the fact that we tell them they are not objects, but the pop music of their time tells them a woman’s role is to be both promiscuous and victimized? To demand both equal treatment and special treatment? To look and act provocative and be angry that it works?  Holly and sleigh rides would be a much easier thing to think about. 

Sometimes, right in the middle of making gingersnaps, (see recipe for life-changing gingersnaps here), I might hear Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, and I’m overcome with melancholy. Or, worse, I’ll Be Home For Christmas, the saddest Christmas song ever. I have to fight it like a soldier, strapping my apron strings tighter and switching the song to, say, Michael Buble’s version of  White Christmas, the catchiest Christmas song ever, and refusing to be overcome. I have to shake my head a little like a boxer between rounds and think like a winner: Okay, Christmas, BRING IT, we’ll see who’s boss.

My mother once said to me, “Oh, kid, you feel too much. It’s gonna be a rough road for you.” (She grew up in 1950s Hollywood, literally, and talked like it sometimes.) I wondered about that, and years later realized I must have gotten my over-sensitivity from her, but she’d toughened up a little. Motherhood’ll do that to you. I can’t help it any more than I can help having allergies; I just feel things too much. As I kid, stray dogs and homeless people and even trash on the street made me overcome with a wave of sadness, like nausea. When ET nearly died beside the creek, and when Luke Skywalker had to hide in the body of that dead yeti-thing called a Tauntaun, my sister had to carry me out of the movie theater and drag me back home, sobbing. (I didn’t really care about Luke but I cared deeply about that poor dead Taunton.) If I saw an old person eating dinner alone in a restaurant, I couldn’t eat my food. My mom once found me watching Bambi on a rented VHS tape and shouted at my sister like someone in an action scene, “Stop the movie! Stop the movie! SHE’S NEVER GONNA MAKE IT!”

I don’t know if other people feel this way. I know Christmas is hard for many people, that depression rates are higher than any other time of year. But I am not depressed, and “sad” isn’t even the right word because I’m also immensely happy; I’m just experiencing great joy and deep awareness of the painful beauty in this world. My teenage daughters call it having “the feels,” which is awkward and apt.

It occurs to me that God intended for us to feel all those pangs of joy and sadness, sometimes even at the same time. I probably do feel too much, and it is a bit of a rough road, but everything about Christmas is both ends of bitter and sweet: the king of the universe, highly anticipated with great joy and some fear, but also in danger from the moment of his birth, outranking every king and emperor in the world but born to peasants and raised to work with his hands, rising to some fame for his holiness but destined to die like a criminal, only to be raised from the dead in the most fabulous, glorious event in the history of the universe. You’d have to be made of stone to not feel an emotional roller-coaster just thinking about it.

I knew a poet once; a philosophical, brilliant, long-haired actually-published poet  who forgot to tie his shoes and carried around a pocket-sized works of Rilke. His name was Hansi, which he said was Sri Lankan, though he was not. He was whip-smart and odd, and he intimidated me because he spoke in riddles and threw around grad-school words before the rest of us had learned them: tautological and Proustian, hermeneutic and hegemonic, Derridian, dystopian, and dichotomy. One evening after class when it began to snow, another student remarked that the snow was really pretty, except that it just turned to gray slush in the streets. Hansi waved to us, walking in the direction of some other parking lot or place, and said over his shoulder, “Love the dichotomy, man! Love the dichotomy!”

The weird poet was right, all you can do is embrace it. Get the feels and love the ups and the downs for their particular beauty. It’s probably exactly what God intended when the King of the World was born in a stable and laid in a manger.  

 

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    Kurumsal hesapların da en az web sitesi kadar önem verdikleri Instagram hesapları, satış anlamında önemli rol oynar.
    Firmalar, markalar ya da küçük işletmeler bilinirliklerini hızlandırır.
    instagram takipçi satın al sayesinde Instagram
    keşfet kısmına düşmek de ayrıca hesaplar için önemlidir.
    Bu noktadan pek çok organik ve gerçek takipçiler kazanılır.

  52. Cilt lekeleri, cilt tonu farklılıkları leke kremi gibi cildinizde oluşan herhangi bir leke için
    Hccare leke kremini deneyebilirsiniz iddalı bir marka olan bu firmanın tüm ürünleri güvenilir olduğu gibi leke kremi de güvenlidir.

    Leke kremi ; https://rebrand.ly/lekekremi

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  54. Takipçi Satın Al Seçenekleri ile takip2018 eşsiz benzersiz
    hizmetler sunuyor.

    Şirketin hizmetlerinden faydalanarak dilediğiniz
    kadar takipçiye ulaşabilirsiniz, https://tiny.cc/takipcisatinal işlemi oldukça basit ve kısa
    süreçte size teslim edilmektedir.

    Yapmanız gereken tek şey Takip2018.com a sadece giriş yaparak dilediğiniz kadar takipçi isteği yapabilirsiniz.

    Size uygun paketi seçmeniz halinde dilediğiniz
    alabilir ve sadece izlersiniz. Benzersiz hizmet vererek size daha çeşitli paketler
    önerebiliyor.

  55. Takipçi almak için hiç geç değil artık, fenomen olmanın yolu instagram takipçi satın almaktan geçer
    En iyi takipçi alma sitesi de takipcintr.co olarak kayıtlara girmiştir.

    Hemen instagram takipçi alabilmek adına takipcintr.co ya gelin takipçiler satın alın

    takipcintr.co

    .

  56. Wow that was strange. I just wrote an really long
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    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway,
    just wanted to say great blog!

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  61. instagram Takipçi Hilesi

    Bir numaralı sosyal medya yardımcınız olarak sizlere gerekli tüm işlemleri son derece kaliteli bir şekilde sağlıyoruz.
    Popüler olmak ve belirli bir kitleye hitap etmek ister misiniz, desteğimizle bu prosedürleri takip ederek güne ayak uydurarak popülaritenizi
    kolayca artırabilirsiniz. Herkes Instagram hilelerinin güvenilmez
    olduğuna dair bir algıya sahip ancak 2021 yazında bu çalışmalar artık yüksek güvenilirlik ve kalite ile yapılıyor.

    En güvenilri şekilde hiç ücret ödemeden günlük limitli şekilde takiçilerinizi arttırabilirsiniz

    https://rebrand.ly/takipcibegenihilesi

  62. Hello! Quick question that’s totally off topic.
    Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My site looks weird
    when viewing from my apple iphone. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to fix this problem.
    If you have any suggestions, please share. Cheers!

  63. Etkileşimi Arttırmak İçin Takipçi ve Beğeni Satın Almalısınız

    Özellikle yeni açılan sosyal medya hesaplarının en büyük
    sorunları arasında takipçi sayısının düşüklüğü ve paylaşımlarda etkileşim olmamasıdır.
    Beğeni ve yorumların gelmesi sosyal medya hesaplarının gelişimine katkı sağlamaktadır.

    Özellikle çok takipçisi bulunan ve paylaşımları beğenilerek yorum yapılan hesaplar ilgi çekmektedir.

    Takipçi Satın Al işlemleri sayesinde hızlı bir etkileşim sağlanabilmektedir.
    Ancak tüm hizmetlerde olduğu gibi bu hizmetlerinde farklı seçenekleri bulunmaktadır.

    https://rebrand.ly/takipci-satin-al

  64. Amazing! This blog looks just like my old one!
    It’s on a completely different topic but it has
    pretty much the same layout and design. Great
    choice of colors!

  65. Over the four decades that the Mount Pleasant Indian Industrial Boarding School operated in Michigan, thousands of Native American children from across the country were taken from their parents and sent there to be stripped of their languages and traditions.

  66. Örneğin zayıflamak için içerisine sumak ve limon eklenmiş ya da kan yapıcı olsun diye keçiboynuzu pekmezi karıştırılır. Kalsiyum, protein, magnezyum, potasyum, A, E ve B vitamini grupları bakımından oldukça zengindir.

  67. İnstagram takipçi satın al En ucuz Örneğin zayıflamak için içerisine tek dava takipci satın al sumak ve limon eklenmiş ya da takipçi satın al kan yapıcı olsun diye keçiboynuzu pekmezi karıştırılır. takipçi satın al

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  70. By way of introduction, I am Mark Schaefer, and I represent Nutritional Products International. We serve both international and domestic manufacturers who are seeking to gain more distribution within the United States. Your brand recently caught my attention, so I am contacting you today to discuss the possibility of expanding your national distribution reach.We provide expertise in all areas of distribution, and our offerings include the following: Turnkey/One-stop solution, Active accounts with major U.S. distributors and retailers, Our executive team held executive positions with Walmart and Amazon, Our proven sales force has public relations, branding, and marketing all under one roof, We focus on both new and existing product lines, Warehousing and logistics. Our company has a proven history of initiating accounts and placing orders with major distribution outlets. Our history allows us to have intimate and unique relationships with key buyers across the United States, thus giving your brand a fast track to market in a professional manner. Please contact me directly so that we can discuss your brand further. Kind Regards, Mark Schaefer, marks@nutricompany.com, VP of Business Development, Nutritional Products International, 101 Plaza Real S, Ste #224, Boca Raton, FL 33432, Office: 561-544-0719

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